It Getteth Better and Improveth in the Due Time of the Lord

Verily, I say unto you, my Mormon brethren and sisters, It Getteth Better. It may not get better in this life. Mormon leaders may keep relying on Bronze Age thinking when it comes to issues of identity, sexuality and health. Many of your fellow Mormons will probably passive-aggressively “love” you into righteous living. But rest assured that you are loved so, so, so much.

You are loved so much that loving prophets have promised that if you are true and faithful to your sacred covenants, and love God’s holy loving prophets enough, you will not be denied any blessing in this life (other than a committed, legally enforceable, love-affirming relationship with a person of the same sex, and, you know, happiness) and will be made at least bisexual enough in the next life (and maybe this life too) so you can populate worlds without number in the proper eternal heterosexual manner, as God does.

Don’t take my word for it. The Lord’s prophets have declared it to be so. Here are some excerpts from God Loveth His Children, a glorious and beautiful pamphlet published by the LDS church showing how it’s totally taking steps in the right direction regarding gay people.

You can receive eternal life if you abide by the same laws as God and do the things He does….

Heaven is organized by families, which require a man and a woman who together exercise their creative powers within the bounds the Lord has set. Same-gender relationships are inconsistent with this plan. Without both a husband and a wife there would be no eternal family and no opportunity to become like Heavenly Father….

As we follow Heavenly Father’s plan, our bodies, feelings, and desires will be perfected in the next life so that every one of God’s children may find joy in a family consisting of a husband, a wife, and children….

God assures His children, including those currently attracted to persons of the same gender, that their righteous desires will eventually be fully satisfied in God’s own way and according to His timing.

I bear you my testimony that I am grateful for these truths and for living prophets who Maketh It Better for all of us.